NANO 2012 - DAY 25

STOP THE CLOCK, I HAVE MADE IT!

@ 17:45 today (Sunday 25.11.12) I broke the 50 000 word barrier.

I cannot describe how I feel right now, apart from being very very happy and chuffed at me efforts. I have accomplished something I did not think I could do.

Thank you so much for your support, without which I would still be at the starting blocks.
You are all Gold!

NANO 2012 – DAY 19

Well, where do I start??? 

After the early success of meeting my goals the week before and our lovely Wales trip, week Three started with a Bang, and a big one at that.

At work things were busy as always, but life added a few extras that made my time even more scarce which left me mentally and physically drained.  I managed only two, five o’clock early-bird-sessions, before I had to make the decision to take it easy. These extras saw me getting home well past nine and there were just no way to sustain the early mornings, lunchtime and evening sessions and on Friday everything came to a halt as I was knocked for a six by the news that my family was about to be directly affected by the current violence en the Western Cape.

As things stood, I only managed to write two days during my working week, which turned out 3791 words and I seriously started to doubt if I could complete the challenge at hand, not to mention finish my book which I completely love. Earlier the week I withdrew from all social media networks to keep my focus and thought if I just kept my head down and worked through everything, I would be ok, but soon realised that it would be impossible without my loving Feetjie and wonderful friends.

I therefore dedicate the past week to her and all my friends that helped me with advice, encouragement and lending their ever-patient ears. Your wonderful friendship pushed me on, gave me confidence and helped to ease some of the worries, so much so that just past 22:00 last night, I reached 35 000 words, on track and well on my way again.

I would love to name you, but it would be wrong. You know who you are.  

Thanks for keeping my dream alive!

May I please add that I had to pass on certain opportunities this week and I am sorry for the ones I disappointed in the process, believe me it was not easy.

NANO 2012 - Day 9

My dear friends

Friday 09.11.12 saw the start of a big day in my Nano writing month.

As I set my goals the Sunday before Nano started, I knew that if I could reach my weekly personal word count goals and certain milestones on the way, I stood a good chance to finish my book on time.  Well Friday 09.11.12 was a milestone day and when I saw how the week was playing out, I was able to book a day’s holiday to ensure that I reached my goal.  Yes, that is how important this is to me.

Reaching my milestone would not only mean that I could go on a guilt free, no writing weekend to Wales, but more importantly that I would have completed the first part of my three part Thriller. Well Friday evening I completed Chapter Eight and were over 16 000 words into my first ever book. I pushed the voices and characters back as I shut the laptop, very satisfied and chuffed with my progress.

I learnt a lot during the second week of NANO, about myself and my writing and made a few decisions, of which the most important I think, is the fact that I will finish this first draft during or just after Nano. I will then concentrate on another project I was working on and afterwards get back to my story with fresh eyes, ready for editing and then publishing.  Step by step I will move this story forward and I cannot wait to see the end result and your views on it. Now to keep going and finish it!

During our time in Wales the most hilarious short story popped into my head and I had to laugh out loud.  You will love it, so keep a lookout, it will soon appear somewhere. Dare I also add, that whilst we enjoyed the lovely Welsh Countryside on Sunday, a story that dwelled in my head for at least six months, suddenly came together. It will be in the genre I enjoy most, Historical Fiction and I cannot wait to start the exploration thereof on paper.

So there you have it! It’s the start of week three, I have written 16 324 so far and will move on to the second part of ‘Numbers’.

NANO 2012 - DAY 3

NANO 2012  - DAY 3

Well it is 07:40 on a Saturday morning and I have not contributed anything towards my daily target and word count today, but thought I should at least do what I promised to do almost a week ago now and that is to keep you posted on my progress.

With the most horrendous flu underway and nurturing seriously congested sinuses, looking at the Autumn Rugby Internationals and what we had already planned for November, I realised that I won’t be able to write this novel without some careful planning. November will be a more than usual busy month and I will not fail before I even started. I will reach my goal, with my writing buddies, of 50 000 words in 30 days.

So Sunday afternoon as my headache slowly started to show mercy, I took the opportunity to start my planning and the accountant in me jumped at the opportunity to open a spreadsheet, off course. I listed the days in November, filled in our engagements, added the details of the upcoming Rugby events and the deadlines I have on other commitments. It soon became apparent that I would not be able to write the 1667 words a day, but would at least have to write 2000 words, if I wanted to claim my gold certificate on Friday 30/11/2012.

My spreadsheet obviously grew by now (2 days in), because not only have I an overall ‘planned’ section, divided into mornings, lunchtime and evenings, but what use would it have without an ‘actuals’ section. Over the last two days I also added a column to see when I write the best, i.e. most amount of words an hour. This spreadsheet will be close to hand during the month and will give me enough data and food for thought for my next novel, not to mention NANO 2013. 

Anyways, I managed to get back to work on Monday and before I could wipe my eyes, it was the eve of NANO 2012 and geared with my plan, 1500 words in the morning and 500 after work, I was nervously excited about this life changing event that was about to start.

Wednesday morning I watched the clock until it reached 04:50, before I jumped out of bed and armed with a warm coffee, by 05:07 I wrote my first words. I was surprised how quickly I got into the story and how all my characters jumped forward to be first onto the page. Well I made my morning target, quietly went upstairs to where my little fairy still peacefully slept. I joined her for 15 minutes before we had to get up and start our normal daily routine. During lunchtime that day I finished my first chapter and by doing so reached my daily target.

Yesterday did not start well, the flu or cold (what’s the difference so by the way?) bogged me down and I only managed to do some writing during lunch time.  In the evening I wrote until I finished my chapter and let me tell you now, it’s easier in the mornings than late at night, I could feel it and it showed on my stats…

This morning I am still nurturing a dull headache, but geared with lots of pills to keep the flu aches and pains away, I will keep indoors and write. Due to the flu/cold thing I have been carrying around for almost three weeks now, I had to cancel a combined Birthday party of a close friend of mine and Guy Fawkes fireworks display. No, I am afraid, again I will have to stay indoors this weekend and try to get rid of this blasted thing. As least I have lots to keep me busy with.

My friends, I better get cracking (as they say). I can report that I am two chapters in and that the characters are (apart from one) straining at the bit to leap onto page and together we will produce something that I hope you will enjoy reading, as much as I enjoy writing it.

The book is currently titled “Numbers” and the synopsis on my NANO page reads:

It all started with Jonny’s boy…

 

NANO 2012 - 7 Days and counting!

HELLO MY NAME IS CONRAD BRAND AND I AM A NANO 2012 PARTICIPANT!

The days are getting darker and there’s a hazy mist in the air. Winter is slowly approaching, spreading her arms and stretching her cold fingers, ready to give you that spine curling touch, burning your face and lungs with her cold penetrating breath.

Soon she will be here. Soon she will be, day and night.

Darkness draped…

A couple of weeks ago I enrolled to the NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) 2012, which will see me attempt 50 000 words in 30 days.  I will attempt to write the first draft of my Crime Thriller (Title to be disclosed) during Nano and I am very excited to get this project finally on its way. 

I will need all the encouragement and support that you can give, so if you see me lurking around in November, please feel free to ask me how my novel is getting on. I would also love to keep you posted on my progress, so please subscribe to this blog (see on the right).

This is my first Nano 2012 blog and definitely not the last, so please join me on the journey.

For more info on the program or to join me and 300 000 other writers, please visit their website at http://www.nanowrimo.org/en

Thanks

Conrad Brand

http://www.conradbrand.com/

Once in a Blue Moon

‘Once in a Blue Moon’or ‘On a rainy day' is how we describe a special moment that does not happen every day. (Wait, what am I saying, rain regularly falls on this island, even during drought, so the last saying mostly apply to South Africa)

Anyways, Friday August 31 was such a day, as it was "Blue Moon".

But where does the term come from? There is so much mystery linked to the Blue Moon and its origin. There are two official definitions for a Blue Moon:

Number 1: A blue moon is the second full moon in a calendar month.

The idea of ​​a Blue Moon as the second full moon in a month stemmed from an article by James Hugh Pruett called "Once in a Blue Moon" in the March 1946 issue of Sky and Telescope magazine. Pruett used the 1937 Maine Farmer's Almanac to formulate and substantiated his definition as follow:

"Seven times in 19 years there were - and still are - 13 full moons in a year. In this gives us 11 months with one full moon each and one with two. This second in a month, so I interpret it, was called Blue Moon "

This definition was then used by scientists in the seventies on the radio, the eighties as prescribed books for toddlers and it was even used as the official definition for the board game Trivial Pursuit.

But could there be two Blue Moons in the same month? Well in 1999 there was great public interest and media coverage after January and March both had two full moons in the same month, but no full moon in February. The next year when there will be double Blue Moons in the same year is 2018.

Number 2: A blue moon is the third full moon of four in a calendar year:

Scientists and scholars waved their index fingers at the first definition and used the same source to formulate their own as follow. Each season (Winter, Spring, Fall and Summer) normally has three full moons, but when one has a fourth full moon, the third may be called a Blue Moon. The next Blue Moon by this definition will be on 21.08.2013.

Of course there is also a third type of Blue Moon and the one that most of us romantically associate with the term. This is when you get to see an actual blue moon. Yes, a real blue moon! It has no mysterious or healing powers and usually occurs after large forest fires or a volcanic eruption, where the air is filled with ash and dust. If the particles in the air are the right size - about 1 micron wide (one millionth of a meter) it act as a color filter and give the moon a blue tinge. Clouds of water droplets, ice crystals or fine-grained sand can do the same.

Well, as I said Friday, 31.8.12 was a 'Blue Moon' and a day I will never forget, as it was the launch of my first book on Amazon. I later realize the value of the term and had to wonder how many people could say (perhaps unwittingly as in my case) that they have done something special or even received something on this unusual day. Who could say, "Oh it does not happen often, only 'Once in a Blue moon'.

For most South Africans, the Blue Moon brought excitement; it announced the first day of Spring and later South Africa won six medals at the Paralympic Games, world records were smashed again, but around the world it was a mixture of moods, for some the Blue Moon brought Peace, Excitement and Happiness, but for others it was Fear, Anxiety and Sadness, but also Hope that tomorrow might be a better day.

After realizing that it was Blue Moon, I walked out like many others to have a look at the moon. Some could stare at her gorgeous glow, but others had to search, it was a bit overcast ...

This is a translation of my article published in The South African on 05/09/2012.

For info and writing news, please visit my website.

Number please? It's Japie Mêeeeee!

I really enjoyed the article “’n Boer maak ‘n plan – A farmer always has a plan” the other day and chuckled at our nation's (South Africa) ingenuity.

According to the original article by IOL Scitech on 11 July, Erard Louw, a farmer just outside Durbanville (Western Cape) had enough after 27 sheep and 13 lambs were stolen ten days earlier, from his 750 hectare farm. So he decided to take things into his own hands and make a plan.  He knew it would be useless to phone the police as they were based too far away in Malmesbury and he has learned from experience that their vehicles would either be out of fuel, without tires (also stolen) or that no driver would be available.

So Mr. Louw decided to equip four sheep in different camps, each with a cellphone.  The phone would activate at night when the sheep starts to run and make an automatic call to the farmer, saying it is sheep number 1 or 2 etc.  According to Mr Louw he then at least knows where to start looking, but he also knows that when the phone rings it is not good news and that he would have to jump to catch the thief in the act. He said that through these calls, he managed to get a sheep rustler arrested, but it's not easy.

Stock theft is a major problem in the Western Cape and has forced many farmers to leave the industry. Thefts peak during the long dark winter nights when the wet weather, easily sweep the tracks.


This phone concept makes me wonder what Uncle Jan Spies (Legendary South African storyteller) would make of these sheep and I wonder whether he would embrace this new technology. Maybe so, but I can only think of all the good stories that would follow, about that silly sheep with his phone. I can see Uncle Jan stare, shaking his head at the contraption in his hand, there in his kitchen with the rich and strong aroma of coffee from the can ...

Let's hope that this contraption is the way forward for our sheep farmers, before it’s too late. There is after-all nothing as good as a lamb chop, especially from a learned one that can make phone calls.

This is a translation of my article published in The South African on 25/07/2012.

For info and writing news, please visit my website.

Interview with Barry Hilton 04/07/2012

Conrad Brand spoke to Barry about his 30 years in showbiz and his Stand up Chameleon tour in London on the 12/07/2012.

As I set up my laptop and Skype for the interview, I thought of the last time I saw Barry Hilton at his show in White City, almost 6 years ago.  I thought how much things changed since then, but as soon as I saw his familiar face and that cheeky smile and heard “Howzit Boet, I knew I was speaking to the right man. It was our Cousin Barry Hilton.

The Current Show

We are all looking forward to your show next week Thursday.  How long are you in London for?

I am in the UK from the 8^th of July for 10 days.  During this time I will do shows in London, Bournemouth, Ireland and Holland. My shows are for everyone that understands English!

Will you get time to see a bit of London? If so what would your favourite place to visit be and what will you buy to take home to South Africa?

On my off days I will go and see comedy shows, I call them Comedy days. I have been to London many many times. It is a wonderful, cosmopolitan city and different to any other city in the world. You can visit London a hundred times without going to see the same thing twice.

I also love English beer, any kind!

I will also see my three boys in the UK, during this time.

I see you are just back from a worldwide tour crossing Hong Kong, America, Mauritius and several Africa Countries, then you are off to Australia and New Zealand in August. How do you motivate yourself after 30 years of public performance to keep going and how do you keep your program fresh?

I wish there was a way to switch off, but I just love to work and to see fresh people enjoying my comedy, every time, it’s lekker man!  I am very blessed and lucky. I love working the crowds, from my new 1000 seater Australian gig, to working a crowd of 200 people in a smaller venue. I just love it!

And it’s not only South Africans. Last year in London, I would say 60% were South Africans, the rest were British or other Nationalities.

Every morning I work for 10 seconds, which equals 1 hour a year (work it out he said), during this time I check the news for new material, local and International. I am a South African with an expanding international audience.

So by the way, I was at Wimbledon last week and I know it is summer, because the rain is warmer…

Will there be an opportunity to buy some of your dvds at the show?

There will be T-shirts, but no dvd’s. We now have an online site that you can buy from.

What is the one item, you always take on tour?

My I-pad with pictures of my children on.  Also with pictures of my ex-wives to remind me why I have to tour.  It’s called the High cost of leaving. (he smiles)

Who is your favourite comedian and why?

It would have to be Richard Prior – I loved his animated deliveries. It was after watching one of his shows that I thought, I can do that and I took it from there.

I also like Roy Walker and the one with him and Tommy Cooper is one of the funniest sketches I have ever seen.  To be honest I like most British comedians, especially Michael McIntyre.

Did you know Eric Sykes died today at the age of 89?

What was your last tweet?

You will have to check my FB page.  I am lazy so have it all linked up.  What I write on Facebook will also appear on Twitter.

The future

What does the future hold for our Cousin?  I hear that you just received your Australian Maritime Visa which allows you to work Australian waters for the next three years.  I am sorry, but that brought a picture to my mind. Being from the West Coast, I could see you in waders and working the waters for fish and crayfish.  Sorry, I suppose Sandy was referring to the contract with the Cruisers you got.  Please tell us more.

Ja swaar (he laughs)

What does the future hold… The world ends at the end of 2012, didn’t you know?

Yes, I will be working on the Cruise Ships, which is lazy work and I am already lazy.

I want to enjoy life, be happy and work for as long as I can. It took me thirty years to learn that I should not take any criticism personally.  In an audience of 400, if 350 are happy, it means that I have done something right and we as South Africans know that Majority rule!!

If I was a clairvoyant, I would know the future.  So I phoned a clairvoyant the other day and asked him, “Who’s calling?”

It seems that there has been a real shift to a more International scene and audience? Do you mind to comment on that?

I am an International comedian who happen to be South African and the people love it, the accent the references, all of it. You just need to talk slow and everyone will understand. I watched a show of me ten years ago and Capies did not understand me, because I was living in Jo-burg and talked to fast.

You will see if you do a bit of research that artists want to work as many different types of crowd possible, they look at what audiences they can work. So you go to Australia to work Australians, you go to America and work Americans and at the end, you feel that you achieved something in your life. 

There are so many Americans and other international comedians visiting South Africa, so why can’t we do the same? It’s even better when they respond to you, it’s lekke!

International work is the way to go, not money wise so much, but it is lots of fun!!

What is on your bucket list?

I want to be happy and live life every day to its fullest, it’s something I learned and decided when I lost my brother 3 years ago to Alzheimer’s disease.

I also want to go to Goodison Park and see Everton play.

I would also love to get an Australian working permit.

I want to have worked all seven continents. I have currently worked 5 of the 7 and still have to do South America and the Antarctica, but I don’t know if the penguins will understand me.  Mind you, I saw Happy Feet and they spoke perfect English. 

Tell me a bit more about the Cousin clothing range that will be available soon?

A Big clothing company approached me to write slogans for them, which I did and 15 slogans have been approved so far.  There are talks that it will be available in a well-known clothing store soon…

South Africa

As you know, it’s almost the Olympics. What would you say our chances for medals are?

There’s more chance of Julius Malema selling out the O2 stadium, than we getting medals. No we will bring a few medals home, but now I am worried that a boertjie will win a medal and bring it back to Benoni and chrome it.

Our athletes will have an unfair advantage, they are used to gunshots. 

What, according to you is the current state of South African comedy and are there anyone new we should be looking out for?

We have a lot of good guys in South Africa and I would encourage them to work more International audiences.  That way they will get more exposure and South African comedians will be better understood.  One of our own, Trevor Noah is doing very well in America!

There are many South Africans all over the world, thinking of moving back to South Africa.  What would your advice to a direct question by a friend be?

Leave your money in the Channel Islands…

Look, is there any place on earth that is perfect?  No!

I live in a modest house with a modest garden and drive a modest car.  You live by your choices. It is always your choice in life so be prepared to live by it.

Well that’s the end of all the questions Barry, thank you very much for your time and patience.  We look forward to seeing you next Thursday and celebrate with you your first 30 years in Comedy and may I say, may there be 30 more!

Fantastic, thanks!

Just before you go, what is the question most South Africans ask you when they see you?  Is it “Howziiitt my Couziiiin?”  or “Barry, wanneer gaan ons braai?” (With deep voice)

(He laughs out load!) They ask me” My Cousin, wanneer gaan ons braai?”

“Nou gaan ons braai!”

Did you know our Cousin has his own DVD chain in South Africa called COUSINSDVD, nine to be exact!

Most recently, Barry Hilton has extended his profile into the motivational speaker market and he is now taking his blend of stand-up comedy, corporate entertainment and motivation to the world.

His performance has just been filmed for Comedy Central and might actually air in the UK on 10 August.  It airs in SA on 17 August.

Lady Gaga or Gagga (as in Gross)

The entire South Africa is in a buzz over the news that this International superstar will bring her "Born this Way" tour to SA, later this year. Tickets for her two performances were made ​​available and within 24 hours, the entire SA Internet network came grinding down. Hundreds of thousands tried their luck to get tickets, for she is not only Lady Gaga, one of the biggest pop stars in the world, but also one of the most controversial and I would lie if I say I'm not shocked at what I learned over the last week.

Since the news was released I could see that not everyone fancied this "lady".  Everywhere forums jumped up, horrified at the news and filled with anti-Gaga material. The most shocking for me was that she was not only referred to as a satanist, but the actual bride of satan. There were now also several web sources that analised her songs and advertised the 'real' or deeper meaning behind it.

Her hit ‘Alejandro’ has the following meaning with the names as follow:

‘Alejandro’ means: man’s defender and protector’ (GOD).
‘Fernando’ means: ardent for peace (JESUS).
‘Roberto’ means: bright or shiningly framed (HOLY SPIRIT).
‘Babe’ is the same as ‘child’

Now the lyrics again:

“Don’t call my name; don’t call my name, Alejandro(GOD).I’m not your child, i’m not your child, Fernando (JESUS). Don’t call my name; don’t call my name, Roberto (HOLY SPIRIT) Alejandro; Alejandro (GOD), Just let me go.”

This is just an example of one of her songs and I won’t get into the meanings behind "Bad romance" or "Judas" or what their videos depict according to the webhosts. She apparently also left a “bath drenched with blood” at the Intercontinental Hotel in London, where the staff saw it as part of a satanic ritual and reported it as such, to the wide world.

There are even those who go so far to widely broadcast that she as “Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta sold her soul to the devil for fame and fortune, suddenly having 8 million followers on Twitter; she is the top selling artist, and the top winner at the Grammys. This is clearly the devil at work!”

Now I stop and have to wonder about Elvis, Adele and even Paul McCartney, who at $ 67 million is the biggest earner of this year's winners at the Grammys. What about our own South African artists and celebrities? Are there no ‘weird and wonderful’ ones amongst them? I can think of a few that build big names, because of their strange-  and weirdness.

So, whether she is Lady Gaga or Gagga for you, she brings the "BORN THIS WAY BALL" to South Africa and will perform on 30 November in Johannesburg and 3 December in Cape Town.

On her website is the following: “I am SO EXCITED to be bringing THE BORN THIS WAY BALL to South Africa. Stadium shows! Its a dream come true, you'll have to show me around!”

Mmm, yes show her around...

She will have to know that she won’t be able to walk around in that meat skirt.  It’s Africa, Lion Country and many many hungry people...

This is a translation of my article published in The South African on 26/06/2012.

Zuma Spear & SA Dankfees

Zuma Spear!

Wat dink jy daarvan?

Waarvan?

Ek praat natuurlik van die “Zuma Spear” wat nou heellaas verwyder is van die City Press webblad en die kunstenaar Brett Murray wat onder eed verklaar het “Ek wil graag sê dat ek ‘n trotse Suid-Afrikaner en voormalige ondersteuner van die ANC is. Ek is nie ‘n rassis nie”.

Wel Mnr. Murray, ek weet nie wat jy wou bereik nie, maar jy kan mos nie ons President so ontbloot nie?  Vir reklame kon dit nie wees nie, want ons as gewone mense sal nou net verder kan lees oor die “spear” en slegs wonder oor die werklike punt van al die belangstelling.

SA Dankfees 2012

Soos seker meeste Suid-Afrikaners, is daar gou na ons dapper aankoms in Engeland besef dat dié ‘n vreemde land met vreemde mense en nog vreemder gewoontes is.  Ons het onsself in Oos-Oos London bevind, smaak my vêr verby Pella se gat, waar daar meer uitlanders as Engelse woon. Van die nasies het ek nog nooit self gesien nie en ons het vining besef dat ons ‘n plan sal moet maak om tussen ons eie mense te kom, want so ‘n vreemde besigheid kan nie goed vir ‘n mens wees nie.

Vroeg een oggend op die trein hoor ons toe ons taal, saggies agter ‘n Metro gefluister en toe die koerantjie later sak, sien ons van ons dam se ganse - Ons staan mos uit! Daai oggend hoor ons toe van die Dankfees en die datum is koorsig neergeskryf.  Dit was gelukkig net ‘n paar weke weg en ons kon nie wag om te sien waaroor al die opwinding gaan nie, min het ons geweet wat se invloed dié dag op ons sou hê.

Daai Saterdagoggend met die aanry na die hekke is ons begroet met ‘n see van tente en vriendelike gesigte.  Daar was hordes mense en almal groet mekaar soos ou bekendes. Dit was soos ons bezaar op Vredenburg en ek het amper begin uitkyk vir Oom Bunny met sy dra-stem.  Maar dié bezaar was op ‘n baie groter skaal.  Ons musiek het gespeel en ons taal is gepraat en gou is daar nuwe vriende gemaak.  Saam is daar om die tafeltjies gesit en gesels en lekker geëet aan al die lekker kos, dit terwyl  braaivleis geure die lug vul. Ons was nou deel van ‘n SA gemeenskap, ‘n gesin vêr van die huis af en net die kennis daarvan, kon die donker maande maar laat kom, die treine met die stom vreemdes wat agter hul boeke skuil en al die reën.

Wel die Dankfees is nou amper hier en vanaf  8 – 10 Junie sal ons weer op die Hop Farm wees.  Dié jaar beloof om nog groter as tevore te wees.  Daar is ‘n buzzzz onder die mense, want nie net gaan daar groot kunstenaars wees nie, maar die weer lyk of dit ook gaan saamspeel.

Daar word weer vanaf die Vrydagaand tot die Sondag gekamp, wanneer die gemeenstes  as ‘n groep saamkom en onder begeleiding van die groep Profet, die fees sal afluit. Die Saterdag sal weer gevul wees met verskeie aktiwiteite vir die jongspan (sien webblad vir ‘n volledige lys), terwyl die ouers kans sal kry om te kuier en die koskaste te vul.

Jakob Deist en Pieter Dorfling sal deur die dag mense met hul musiek vermaak en in die aand is daar ‘n Dankfees vertoning waar Kurt Darren en Pieter Smith mens die kans sal gee om bietjie stof op te skop, tot laatnag.

So tussen ons, die kaartjies is reeds beskikbaar by http://www.sagemeente.com/, en myne is klaar bestel om die toue te vermy.

So kom en geniet huis op die Hop Farm. My drie hare staan al regop van al die opwinding, ek kan nie meer wag nie!

FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE

FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE

The words immortal of the great Mohammed Ali, or as some might know Cassius Clay. You might wonder why this phrase? Well let me tell you…

The other day, whilst on my daily dog stroll through the woods, a fellow walker made his way round the wild berry bush.  Red and flustered he approached me slapping at his neck.

“I was just attacked by a Wasp,” he said “Can you believe it?”

Well firstly I was surprised that the somewhat familiar-faced stranger, actually talked to me, something that has not happened since our paths first crossed almost three months ago.  My “Good mornings” met with a shy nod, eyes always drifting to the ground, sure not to make any contact. 

“Really,” I replied, as if this stranger’s first words would be a lie. I was explained in detail where the torture devoted pack hid and with a sheepish look, I was told that it was an unprovoked attack.

Off course!

Well, as a fellow human I was now left with one of the following responses:

1)       The Companion’s “Revenge” – This is the merciless inexorable laughter you will find when you just encountered extreme pain or found yourself in a very sticky situation, usually by someone dear to you.

2)      The Over-endearing reaction - This is to completely overreact to a minor incidence, exaggeration to the extreme.  Usually by clapping your hands in horror, pulling at your hair, followed by falling to the floor. I have even seen tears shed in some cases. This usually leaves the victim in more shock or hysterical at the wild inappropriate counteraction.

3)      The Demeaning reaction – This usually start with “That’s nothing, you should have seen …” with the “I” being very important.

These are just a few, but believe me there are many more.  I am sad to say that my reaction fell under the latter.  With his trauma evident in the inflamed bulge on his neck, I met his wild wide eyes with, “That’s nothing, the other day…

I told him about our wasp visitors every winter.  They obviously decided to nestle themselves close to our warm Boiler, leaving any maintenance during the Festive Season an impossible task.

It was a cold dark morning when I opened the bathroom window to let some heat out and cool air in.  At this stage I already forgot what I learned the previous year; our wasps were either drawn to the light from our bathroom window, or drawn to the heat from inside the house.  Maybe they were thirsty and knew that soon a bath will be filled with water and an easy target for early morning practice. 

That morning when I opened the window, the flying creature zipped in.  From the moment I saw him, my whole being reached for Divine help.  I knew that I would be an easy target; a sitting Duck (Hippo more) with no means to protect my exposed body. With my eyes focused on the pestilence I managed to quickly clean myself, my “Refresh button” pushed for the day ahead. I almost managed to pull a neck muscle as I followed his sting, set for menace.  From one corner to the next, transfixed I followed his hypnotic movement; his compound eyes on me, eagerly awaiting the perfect moment to afflict the perfect blow.

I braced myself for the worst when I shot up.  I reckoned with the element of surprise and speed, I would not only shock, but stun the creature. Executed to perfection, I thought as I pulled the warm towel towards me and as I hemmed myself in, I saw it and its atrocious plan. It came at me, fast and furious.  Its poisoned dripping sting, the last thing I saw before it struck me.  It was the perfect gladiatorial blow, right under my armpit, angled to my heart.  With shock and in excruciating pain I could feel the venom being released into my arteries, the blood giving way to the evil fluid.

With wild butterfly arms I slapped and swung, trying my best to kill the blasted thing, until I met it where it struck me.  Obvious happy to meet its maker, it forced the last drops into me.

I dropped the towel into the bath, hoping to drown if not suffocate it and as I saw myself in the mirror I knew, this day cannot end well.  I flopped myself on the bed and reached for my mobile. I left a voice message on my manager’s phone and explained that I might die of arterial hypertension or poison, if I don’t take it easy and see them the next day.  I took it easy for the rest of the day and decided never to open that window in winter again, you never know what might make its way inside.

So how do I get to the phrase?  Well even “As swift like a butterfly, I was stung by a bee”

                                                                                xxx

                                                                                                      Conrad A Brand, December 2011